These Imperfect Earth Suits

I laid myself down on the little massage table, as usual. The Acupuncturist did a quick assessment, gently pinned my body, and started the timer on the heat lamp hovering above my midsection. Before leaving the room, he quietly instructed, "Enjoy the music and the warm table. 30 minutes." I smiled, nodded, and closed my eyes. The soft melodies, combined with the gentle rustling and packaging of herbs, and light footsteps put me in a near trance. After fifteen or twenty minutes I became aware of the table's warmth under me. awww. Or wait, maybe it was the smell of....something....burning? With eyes still closed I considered my surroundings: massage table, some kind of heating device (pad? blanket? heating in the table- do they make those?) paper under me, body full of needles, complete relaxation. What if something under me is about to catch fire? What if I start seeing smoke? I'd have to jump quite carefully off this table and avoid collision with my frontside, for fear of jamming my innards. As if in response to my body's rising anxiety, an intoxicating wave swept over me--almost pushing me into sleep--and I decided I didn't care about any fire- real, potential or otherwise. "Happy Pins" we could call those needles (disclaimer: do not use while driving, operating heavy machinery or facing potential life-or-death situations). Despite the excitement/intoxication of this particular treatment, I reflect upon my months of acupuncture and know that we've made a valuable investment. 


Compared to the experience I had had with my endocrinologist just a few days before, a smoking table would have paled next to the anxiety and frustration of trying to get answers from this particular "specialist." Okay, I shouldn't be so mean as to put his title in quotation marks, but still, living in the hell that is Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, being chained to a prescription of synthetic hormones for the rest of my life, and facing the pressure of concisely summing up a year's worth of questions & concerns for this one appointment, only to have my real-life symptoms minimized by his scripted inquiry- "And how are you feeling in general: tired,nervous,depressed,shortofbreath,sluggish,troubleswallowing,eyepain,weightgain,anxious,weepyorbitchy?"-I have to say that I loathe this annual event and would much rather figure out a way to escape fire with needles in my body. But regardless of my feelings, I sat in his office, heart pounding, palms sweating, teary eyed, sleep deprived, and hormones raging for all the wrong reasons, trying to think of the key topics I wanted to discuss. In case you're unfamiliar with thyroid problems, Hashimoto's disease is a result of a wire-crossing within my immune system where my own body is fighting my thyroid as if it were a foreign object. My thyroid function is slowly diminished because of this fierce and misguided internal battle, meaning that I need to take synthetic hormones to make up for the loss of natural thyroid hormones that help maintain metabolism, heat regulation, energy, sleep patterns, fertility, and mental clarity, just to name a few important jobs. To boot, I actually had half of my thyroid surgically removed three years ago because of a large, suspicious nodule (meaning I'm really really tied to that prescription). Just today I learned that people with Hashimoto's often have high levels of cortisol (stress hormone) present, as well as sensitivity to gluten. If your appointments are like mine and you lack a peace about your overall wellness and treatment plan, first, plan to find a new doctor (I will follow my own advice this time) and second, keep researching. It is NOT all in your mind. Long story short on the endo visit: I was able to talk about my sleep troubles and he suggested I experiment with my dosage (what?!) until I feel better. After that, it was clear that my time had expired because as I continued to talk, he furious wrote notes and showed no sign of having taken in a single word. I went home and helped myself to a comforting mug of hot chocolate...because at least that helped calm the raging hormones. 


Why all this talk about Thyroiditis, acupuncture, and bad doctors? Because I'm so tired of chronic disease, cancer, and the ineffective methods of Western medicine that seem to push us into early graves, or at the very least, enslave us to a lifetime of drugs and uncomfortable symptoms. I am tired of watching people suffer and die from preventable, controllable, and reversible conditions. I am tired of meeting more and more people suffering from autoimmune diseases, struggling to find answers, being labeled "hypochondriac." You might be shaking your head at me and sighing, thinking, "We're all gonna die anyway. We live in a broken world," and you'd be correct--to a point. We do live in a broken world of disease and suffering, but I think we're too quick these days to put on our blindfolds and be lead off a cliff. We live stressed out lives and blame our bodies for not being able to keep up. We indulge our sweet tooths without limit and blame the tooth for diabetes. We are sedintary and blame the firmness of the pavement for obesity. We are fanatics about antibacterial wipes, sprays, and gels and then wonder why our immune systems short circuit. It doesn't make sense and I'm tired of the buying and selling of lies. 


My intention with this post is not merely to rant or point fingers (although a little of both is warranted, I think). As frustrating as my endocrinology appointments can be, I know that this man is simply doing all he knows how to do. He is not God, he doesn't hold all knowledge and power. He's just a man, and to extent (or limitation) of his training, he probably believes he's giving me his best. But when his "best" isn't cutting it--and might in fact be doing more harm than good--I think we can safely and confidently venture outside the box. And speaking of God, He has not left me (or you) to solve this health puzzle on my (or your) own. He has very much guided my research, lifestyle and dietary choices along the way, and I trust that He brings me new pieces of information at precisely the right time. I just pray that you, dear reader, would have eyes to see the truth about health and your options, and keep fighting to live well and strong...because God has a purpose for your life. It's not our place to think we can control or prevent any or every disease out there, but we certainly can do our part to be good stewards of our bodies and be a little slower to relinquish control to bad habits. 


Today I read this, "Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love" (Psalm 48:9, NIV). His reminder to me was, "your body is a temple." If I were to meditate within my body on His unfailing love for me, how would my health choices be different? If you meditated on His unfailing love for you, how would your health choices be different?


 Right there with you on this journey. Take care, be well, and thank you for your grace as I pour out my heart.