Why Unfinished Stories Matter

Once upon a time, my husband and I were invited to a dinner party. A gathering of friends pooling together a spread of dishes and enjoying each other's company. Additionally, we were asked to think of an inspirational story to share after dinner.

If I remember correctly, many of the stories may have warranted Oscar-worthy scores. The beautiful melodies, dramatic crescendos and swells, sweet conclusions of pleasant harmonies and definitive ending notes. We rode the waves together, our souls resting peacefully with each closure.

And then my husband shared about meeting with a friend for coffee that week. This was the story (I am not quoting exactly):

I had coffee with a friend this week and he was telling me how God's been leading him and his wife lately. He's in school and looking for a job to support his wife and baby-on-the-way. They'd been praying about work and both felt really strongly that he shouldn't accept the next offer he received [for reasons unspecified]. Sure enough, he got a call a few days later with a job offer and, even though it was really hard and didn't make a lot of sense, he turned it down. And that's basically the story.

**crickets chirping**

Someone broke the silence, I thought you were going to say that the next day he got a better offer and it all made sense. **low chuckles of agreement and confusion**

Chris:

Nope. There was no call, no new direction, and no reason from God about why he couldn't have accepted that offer. I know there's no real end to the story, but I was really inspired by it--it stuck with me all week--because of their faith, because they're waiting and being obedient even though it doesn't make sense at all.

Friends, I don't think there's a Hollywood soundtrack for this. If this is how a film ended, it would be smeared with truly rotten tomatoes by critics and audiences alike. We seem to tolerate a weak beginning or middle as long as we have closure. Unless, as in Chris's story and last year's film, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (otherwise known as The Hobbit: part 2 of 3) there is no real ending...because you know it's the middle of a 3-part, complete story. It had no ending because it's not the end!

I love that Chris saw this in our friend's story. What else did he see? Himself. Me. Us. He was inspired to keep persevering when it doesn't make sense and when answers don't seem to come and when people around us think we're morons for not taking action into our own hands. He saw the true beauty of obedience and was reminded that this is not the end of the story.

It would do us  all a world of good to stop hiding in the unfinished middle of our stories and start sharing the tension, the grit, and the irrational. Why do we keep such a tight lid on our trials and plans? Why do we wait until we've reached a satisfactory "end" to reveal what's been happening?

Here are some of my reasons. (I warn you, none of them are good.) 

I keep my unfinished business to myself when:

*my emotional response to circumstances is so terribly raw I'm afraid I will push people away. You can't handle the truth! kind of stuff. 

*my situation is the polar opposite of people around me and I believe the only responses I'll get are blank stares, stupid cliches, and unsolicited advice. And I'll be labeled as a social pariah. I choose: none of the above. 

*I'm not 100% convinced God is going to do what (I think) He said and I don't want to look dumb if it doesn't work out. Yikes, but true. 

*circumstances have me completely in the dark and I have no words to describe, share, hope, or praise during that time. 

*I have an end goal in mind and don't want anyone to get in my way with their opinions, reactions, or conflicting plans. I'll let them know when it's done and then, what can they do?

Pride, fear, and self-absorption, plain and simple. Deceptive, destructive.  

No one likes to admit he's struggling or feeling devastated by thwarted plans. Out of our mouths fly a variety of "no sweat" explanations for why it's not that bad, how we expected this and are armed with Plans B-through-W. Or we stay quiet and refuse to let on. 

As neighbors and friends, we divert our eyes from dirty laundry airing next door and tell ourselves it's to protect their dignity. We'll smile and nod approvingly when their yard has been cleared and mowed and re-lanscaped. All's well that ends well!

But in waiting for the end--be it fairytale, predictable, or divinely miraculous--we all miss out on seeing what makes the end so sweet. Let me tell you, you who are in the middle, thinking about giving up, and trying to walk it alone: God is in the middle. You and I know that these trials are not the stuff of textbooks or survival handbooks. This is the stuff of Psalms, of Daniel in the lion's den, of the prophets, and of Paul in chains. In the midst of the fire we choose our identity: Burned or Refined. In the middle mire we learn Who's in control, we see what's real, we learn the hard lessons of trust. 

This part of the story must be told. From those who are going through it, we need to learn the posture of humility and the depth of perseverance. Fragrant laments teach us about faithfulness, their melodies stretch our perspective. We need to learn to recognize the fruit that blooms from obedience. We have an opportunity to speak into the unfinished and say, Don't be afraid! This is not the end! I see God with you! There is no freedom in pride, no faith in fear, no surrender in self-absorption. Open up and share; sit down and listen. 

I pray that we will recognize God in an unfinished story this week and find inspiration from the work that's being done. I hope you will have fresh eyes for your own unfinished story and be emboldened to share it now and stop waiting for the socially-acceptable ending. And I hope that when you reach the end of your story, you will only be able to point to God as having been its author, perfecter and finisher.

Little Bird

Yesterday I ran beneath your trees, my breath was heavy and my mind busy sifting through memories. A soft wind bent their branches and I found myself showered by delicate purple blooms. Underfoot they cushioned my path, overhead they danced, and He whispered your name in my ear. 

Little Bird, you are a child of promise--the rainbow after a flood. You are a reminder that God is good, that He has compassion on all He has made. {Do you know that?}

Every year your trees bloom; without delay they awake full and strong, blessing the air and the ground with sweet lilac petals, pearls of joyful grace. At the peak of their splendor you were born, child of promise. He called you out, Little Bird, and gifted you with song. You might not remember but His song has always been in your heart--that glorious light melody of joy and redemption. It's been in you since the beginning. All creation pauses to hear you sing because in it, we hear the voice of God. 

I know you're all too aware that one day we each must learn to fly. We each must face the shifting seasons and undercurrents, yield to larger animals & care for smaller ones, learn what shelter is safe, and who will hear our cry. Everyone searches for their voice. But do you know, Little Bird, that your voice was never lost? Do you know that the One who gave you life holds you in His hand and has not been deaf to one note you've sung? Don't be discouraged by those who have heard and ignored, or heard and taken advantage. Your Lord suffered the same loss, frustration and pain, and He has always heard you. 

He sees you and He knows you, pure Little Bird. He has not meant for you to feel hungry or afraid. He has not meant for you to believe you are on your own, that you must make your own way or find security in anything other than Him. He has not meant for you to be overwhelmed; He has only meant for you to know He is God.  

He knows your heart and mind--merry Little Bird--He created you to delightedly flutter about from one branch to the next, chirp! peep!, open to harmonizing with all the other little birds and love life fully. Passionate is your heart, you fly with steady cadence toward justice and hope. You sing His song in the core of your being, do you know that? 

I have always heard Him in you.  

Precious Little Bird, do not put your trust in branches or nests, in gopher holes or mountain tops. Do not rely on the strength of your wings and don't believe that your wings have been clipped. Don't waste your time, young Little Bird, searching for who you are in dog houses, lions' dens, or chicken coops. Don't overturn the nest of your youth hoping your feathers might change color. No home is perfect--they are all crowded with feathers and poop, all chaotic with cries for food and warmth. Imperfect because we all forget who we are and what truly satisfies. No, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path {home}. Trust Him and those who sing of Him; any other song will not sit well with your soul. 

Your trees reminded me how extravagantly and passionately He loves you. They reminded me how blessed we are to have you among us, singing your life-giving song of truth and redemption. They reminded me of His faithfulness--how He promised me He would never let you go. 

In case you don't know: you are fearfully and wonderfully made, marked with glorious purpose and gifting, a light. 

In case you've forgotten: you are gracious and loving, gentle and honest, 
you are sensitive and peaceable yet you hold your own in defense of the truth, 
you laugh with ease, a soft hum is always on your lips,
you know that to everything there is a season,
you are patient and attentive, you give your time wholly and generously,
you know what is good, you do not settle for good enough, 
you love sincerely, with mercy that covers over a multitude of sins,
you are gifted with the voice of God, your Father has put His song of power in you.  

You are His, Little Bird, and your future is bright. Though it may be hard to see or sense Him with you, listen for His song rising up in you and know He is God. 

Live in the light and all your years will be golden. 

With all my love...

Beauty and Truth for Mother's Day

I've always enjoyed Mother's Day. From an early age I delighted in crafting lovely cards, finding "perfect" gifts, planning breakfast-in-bed, and making sure all my siblings were on their best behavior for Mom's big day. Memories of my dad and uncles cooking and serving their wives a beautiful meal are impressed upon my heart; this is what real, loving men do {serve, bless the mothers of their children}. 

Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); 

and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying],

Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all. 

Proverbs 31:28-29

Honoring the woman who denies herself a thousand times a day makes sense. It should be done on Mother's Day and every day. 

But for many people, my adult-self included, Mother's Day can be emotionally complex.  

I will never forget the first year I sat in church, wiggling uncomfortably in my chair and fighting back tears as the pastor invited all the mothers to stand. Applause roared in waves as they identified the mother with the most children! the mother with the oldest children! the newest mother! only {finally} concluding when each mother had received a rose. That was my first year of infertility---reality crashing in: I was not part of the club, there is no "A" for effort, no honorable mention for desire. This is a hard pill to swallow. It's no one's fault. It just is. 

Like pregnancy announcements, my general preference for Mother's Day celebration is this: If you feel led to acknowledge me in some way {though you certainly don't need to and most times it's best not to} please leave my struggles out of it. 

I want to celebrate you as a mother. When I sing "Celebration" and you echo with "Everybody Hurts" things get weird. That discerning vertebra at the base of my skull starts aching, indicating cloud cover, predicting imminent rainfall on your parade. In a moment when all I want to do is rejoice over you and affirm what God has done, we are all left feeling awkward. Until of course I break out into an Austin Powers dance tribute and redirect the spotlight {works every.time.}. 

Joking {and coping} aside, it's tricky for all of us. I know your intentions are golden. Motherhood is not an idol for you; neither a victory platform for passing on the family name nor an entrance ticket into "real" womanhood. You are not the women of the Bible who provoke, despise, and harbor contempt for your barren sister. You remember, you care. You are fruitful and lovely. 

Charm and grace are deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! 

Proverbs 31:30

So how do we do this dance? 

If you know someone who hurts {outwardly or not} on Mother's Day, consider simple acts of remembrance. Keep it private and genuine. Hug a little longer. Give a warm & steady squeeze of her hands. Send an sweet "I love you." Try "thank you," or "I'm so glad you're here," instead of "thanks for celebrating with me" {the latter suggests a low opinion of her character}. Assure through tender action, "Nothing changes who you are or what you mean to me." 

If you struggle on Mother's Day, be gentle with yourself and generous with others. Guard your heart. Clothe yourself with radiant confidence in God. Receive quiet recognition with grace and gratitude. Love deeply and celebrate with those around you. Humble yourself {say the hard "yes"} and He will lift you up. 

The fight against self-pity and depression intensifies when days like this stir up hunger pangs. In these moments we have to fight against the fleshy aches, the temptation to crumble. In these moments the Lord reminds me that I don't survive on bread alone {sustenance that burns off, is temporal} but on every word that comes from God {life-giving sustenance that endures}. 

Remember what He has said:

*I will never leave you, nor forsake you. 

*Be still and know that I am God.

*I chose you and appointed you to bear fruit- fruit that lasts. 

*The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.

*Grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ... know this love that surpasses knowledge.

*I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  

We don't have to be discouraged or depressed. We don't have to avoid each other or be full of dread. God is the giver of life. This is a day He has made, we can rejoice and be glad. I celebrate all the beautiful women who give their bodies and lives to their children! I praise God for the children He has made! I am thankful for His promises! 

Happy Mother's Day!

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.

"31 Days of Forgiveness {through the eyes of grace}"

Forgiveness. 

Over the past weeks I've had the privilege of reading a lovely new book by Tracie Stier-Johnson called 31 Days of Forgiveness {through the eyes of grace}, a Biblically-sound yet real {honest, compassionate, truthful} exploration of a weighty topic very few people initiate with true love and grace. 

For me, the word "forgiveness" brings to heart feelings of both shame and bitterness. Shame for my own shortcomings, bitterness for festering wounds inflicted by others. 31 Days of Forgiveness reminded me that neither shame nor bitterness belongs in my life because we were meant to be free and, without coincidence, forgiveness brings freedom. 


Tracie's book tackles this heavy matter of the heart, and all our questions and reservations that go along with it, with a lovely balance of grace and truth. The book is a thorough and compassionate exploration of all things forgiveness: what it is, what it's not, why it's necessary, the how-to's, and includes powerful, real-life stories of forgiveness, demonstrating that through Him, we truly can forgive anything. Without using this platform as a tell-all, Tracie's personal experience with disappointment, pain, and regret, as well as her time spent with the Lord for healing and redemption is evident, making her a trustworthy companion for this journey. 

31 Days of Forgiveness is comprised of very short chapters for each day, with a bonus study guide to help you fully digest the profound truths of that day. This book is a resource I will read and work through every time I find myself holding onto anger, bitterness, or resentment. It would be great to work through with a trusted friend or small group. 


This book was, for me, a personal invitation to explore a path that would lead the inmost portion of my heart to profound healing. I love this quote used on Day 10:

Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It’s a gift you give yourself. It has less to do with what somebody else did as much as it does with your decision to move on with your life and not be continually victimized by rehearsing that issue or incident over and over again.

~ Bishop T.D. Jakes 

No matter the size of your wound or the depth of your resentment, I want this freedom for you. The Lord wants this freedom for you. And the book is available  for the first time TODAY at http://www.amazon.com/31-Days-Forgiveness-through-grace/dp/1482091615.  Until Saturday, 2/9 (12am EST) your copy from amazon is FREE! It will also be available for purchase through Barnes & Noble and http://31daysofforgiveness.com very soon. All proceeds go to The Seed Company, supporting Bible translators making the Bible available in all languages around the world.  

Additionally--to celebrate the launch--Tracie is also giving away fun prizes--and I want you to win one! 

Note pads from DaySpring, a hard copy of 31 Days of Forgiveness, and a so-cute hoot owl pillow from Button Bird Designs. Just leave a comment on this post to be entered to win! You can also enter by writing your own blogpost, sharing on Facebook, or posting to Twitter or Instagram with #31forgiveness. If you are new to my site, please include your email address so I can notify you if you win! Entry for the giveaway will close Friday, 2/8 at 6:00AM (PST). 

I'm excited to be a part of this launch because in this fleshy existence, not one of us outgrows the need to forgive and be forgiven. 

God intended us to live in freedom, unbound by the burdens of bitterness, hurt, vengeance. It's still the beginning of a new year. Walking the next 31 days toward forgiveness would be miles well-traveled and weight joyfully shed. 

Pilgrim Month

Today is the last day of October. Tomorrow begins "the Thanksgiving month," and for us (and possibly some other Hoovers), Pilgrim Month. If you're unfamiliar with Pilgrim Month, it is primarily characterized by 30 days of limited electricity use but can also include nightly family reading, pilgrim crafts, earlier bed times, wood-burning heat, etc. It is a month of slowing down, disconnecting from plugged-in society and enjoying the simpler pleasures of life. Last year, due to a significant loss in the family, Chris and I skipped the Pilgrim tradition but this year we are ready to accept the challenge once again, welcoming the quiet nights, increased productivity, and the soft beauty of life by candlelight.

While shifts in housing conditions and employment demands annually dictate the extent of our Pilgrim immersion, these are the modifications we've agreed upon for this year:
*Use of candles, not lights. We have a box full of candles- pillar, tea and taper- as well as oil-burning lamps, that serve exlusively as our light sources at night. It's stunning! (and no, we don't turn on lights when people come over)
*No television. This most significantly impacts our evening entertainment, but is always helpful in promoting conversation, reading, Scrabble games, and going to bed without the need to unwind from T.V. screen over-stimulation. 
*Limited computer useage. Since a large majority of communication and work happens electronically, it is unrealistic to log-off for 30 days but we will eliminate mindless browsing and surfing. Pinterest, I will miss you dearly. Blogspot activity: TBD. 
*Limited phone useage (apps). I've noticed that while watching T.V. we both spend a lot of time skimming through phone apps- filling time during commercials or uninspiring episodes. My eyes are feeling relief just anticipating a break from the glowing screen!


Contrary to popular opinion, Pilgrim Month is not impossible to survive! In fact, during our last pilgrimage we emerged better rested, enhanced as a couple, and, after putting forth much thought for diversion and conversation, more creative! Besides the cozy, candle-lit nights of piling on the couch and taking turns reading through books together, what I love most about this tradition is the way it slows our racing, technology-buzzing minds and prepares our hearts for the year's-end merriment celebrating gratitude, love and hope. During these 30 days we have an opportunity to be fully present with each other and others, taking full advantage of a paired-down environment. Additionally, we have some personal goals for the month: Chris is planning to utilize nights and/or weekends to finish studying for licensing exams #six and #seven, with sights set on taking one exam in November and the other in December. I will be setting out to write several pages/entries on my infertility project, as well as preparing for Christmas gift-giving. Together, we are excited to celebrate 6 years of marriage on November 19th and we are also (sometimes) training for the Dana Point 10K "Turkey Trot" race on Thanksgiving morning. 


We're ready for lights out! Are you?! Seriously though, we love ending a year with this tradition. A couple months ago I finished reading, One Thousand Gifts, a documentation by Ann Voskamp of learning to live a life of gratitude--a full life--gratefully and whole-heartedly accepting and partaking of the daily bread given by God, as modeled by Christ. Throughout the book, Voskamp repeats two phrases that I find myself reciting often: "Eucharisteo [thanksgiving] always precedes the miracle," and "All is grace." By example she implores readers to daily list all that we recognize as grace, whether easy or difficult to receive. It is in the constant awareness of God and gratitude for His provision of daily bread that we begin to truly live lives of profound beauty and purpose. November is a natural month to rekindle whatever heart embers of gratitude have not been squelched by a hard year or by the persistent voice of Society, sowing deep its seeds of discontent. For me, November is a perfect month to commit to the habit of daily listing my thanks, not just for 30 days...but as a lifestyle. 


The Pilgrims worked hard, sacrificed much and set before us an example of stopping to give thanks. Wishing you plenty of quiet moments with loved ones, taking note of God's beauty and provision all around so that your heart overflows with thanks. Happy November!

Rejoice always,

pray without ceasing,

in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

April: No fooling Around

Part of me is saying, "You really don't have time for this." The other part says, "You need a quick break. Writing is good." Both are true but ultimately I do need a little time out from packing. Here's a quick update from the past 2 weeks. 


After celebrating Emerson's birthday we showered a couple in our small group with baby gifts and enjoyed a beautiful CA Saturday (3/27). On the 28th I made dinner for my patrons' family dinner celebration- a 6.5 hour feat of cooking chaos. The menu included green salad, caprese salad, stuffed mushrooms, cheese & basil calzones, lasagna, spaghetti & meatballs and grilled chicken with asparagus (small side for non-carb eaters). It was amazing- not the food; I didn't get to taste everything- but the feeling of accomplishment. After drop-off, Chris promptly chauffeured us to the nearest margarita-serving restaurant. :) That night we welcomed my aunt, cousins & sister into the Hoover B&B for their Disneyland stay. 


March 31st-April 4th we were again delighted with guests. Rick, Nancy & Brittany came to share Easter & Spring Break with us! On Saturday we all boarded a barf boat to Catalina Island and enjoyed a beautiful island day. Highlights: fish tacos, huge ice cream-stuffed-waffle cones, peaceful walking & sightseeing and glorious (but too pricey) hand lotion in one of the shops. Lowlight: barf boat. We celebrated Easter at Angel Stadium. It also happened to be Saddleback Church's 30th anniversary. Another beautiful day. (Side note-to-self: get to more baseball games this season!)


Since all of the above we've been packing, updating utility accounts and magazine subscriptions, and getting pumped for the big move on Saturday. Well, truth be told I think we're more physically exhausted with each passing day but I'm sure adrenaline will kick in soon. Chris has been grueling away at a huge work project- no rest for the B&B hosts or movers! We're excited about our new place but also a little sad to leave our current abode. I think we just have to keep our eye on the prize of homeownership (hopefully in the next couple years) and press forward! Wish us luck!

Bon Appetit!

Ever since renting "Julie & Julia," the motion picture about writer Julie Powell and super chef Julia Child, I've been completely absorbed in "My Life In France," Julia Child's book detailing her years in France where she first learned about food, attended culinary school and ultimately became the TV chef and author we all know. A good chunk of Christmas money bought me not 1 but 3 books about Julia. I'm dying to know more about what fueled the fire of such an icon. I spend many nights with the book & reading light under a tent of blankets I create in bed, filling my curiosity and passing time until my brain decides it's tired enough for sleep.

With my cooking job (I really need to think of a better title for it) well underway and more successful than not, I decided to attempt a Julia Child-worthy birthday meal for my mom. It, of course, had to be French. And, as such, needed to include many small but beautiful courses. Sadly I caught a horrible cold (again) about a week before the big event and felt as though my vision couldn't come to pass. As the day approached, however, I was reassured by the helpful hands of my siblings and we came together to create victory! Here are some pictures of the dinner, courtesy of Aunt Lisa. 

     Premier- Mixed greens salad with grilled pears, candied walnuts, cranberry blue cheese crumbles and a sweet mustard vinaigrette.

    Second- French onion soup with gruyere cheese. (recipe by Jacques Pepin)

     Tiers- Mustard roasted Red Snapper with fresh green beans. (fish recipe by Ina Garten)

     Quatrieme- Bistro steaks with Provencal butter, fingerling potatoes & cherry tomatoes (steak recipe by Ina Garten)

     Fin- Chocolate covered cream puffs with lemon filling & Chocolate fondue with assorted fruit, marshmallows & angel food cake (fondue by Aunt Lisa)

Merveilleux! I'm scheduled to do a dinner party for the family I cook for at the end of February. Don't think it will be this grand, but as something to plan for, work toward and execute, it was a perfect January challenge.