On Receiving the Fullness of Joy

Well, hello. :)

Although almost a year has passed since my last post (I'd thought it had been much longer), this space is always close to my heart, alive and active in my thoughts. What keeps me away, then? This year was particularly full: two sibling weddings and related events, 100+ hours of Life Coach training and coaching, milestone anniversaries + birthdays + graduations, and eight months of preparation for Fost/Adopt certification. 2015 will forever go down in history as a year of harvest and celebration!

But aside from each year's unique montage of what can easily be reduced to busyness, what really keeps me away? In short: fear. And the constant wrestling match between my privacy-loving introversion and my sense of purpose, which is only purposeful when shared. Fear keeps me busybusybusy [avoiding what really matters], and, if I believe my sense of purpose, partially unfulfilled. 

This equation involving fear and unfulfillment reminds me of a story my family loved to chuckle over. One Easter when I was very young my grandparents watched in shock and horror as I stood in the middle of an egg hunt and another child walked up to me and took for herself an egg out of my basket. They yelled, "don't let her take your egg!" But in my own shock and fear of conflict I just let her take it and the hunt continued. I share this to illustrate the deep roots of my fear and consequential paralysis. Over the past year or more I've been mulling over this scene and the question I believe I need to keep answering (with new action) is: Am I going to continue to let fear straight-up steal from me?

"Don't be afraid" is the message for me this year. Both gently and with urgency it has called me forth, inspired our steps, kept me afloat, and moreover, is the truth that leads us into receiving the fullness of joy. 

In Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas, Johann Christoph Arnold offers  powerful perspective in his contribution, "Be Not Afraid." 

"when God's angel broke the good news of the Savior's birth to the cowering shepherds of Bethlehem, 'Fear not!' was more than an instruction for them to get up off the ground and stop shielding their frightened faces. The 'glad tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people' meant that fear's grip on human hearts was going to have to give way to the far greater power of love."

It is the punctuation reinforcing the message: Don't be afraid. Allow Love to do the work for which it was sent: to redeem your past, restore your current circumstances, and give you a purpose and a future. Receive Love without fear of the control you will lose. Trade your fear for the hope of a joy that is deeper and more wonderful than you could ever have imagined. Be open to fulfillment looking different than what you expect. Experience the fullness of joy!

Fear is one of our primary negative emotions; it's normal and often mixed with anger and/or sadness. We are oft-afraid of what we cannot see, control, or understand. I am in no way dismissing fear or its validity; neither does the phrase, "Don't be afraid." If we weren't afraid, it wouldn't need to be said. 

What I am saying (and understanding for my own life) is it's normal to be afraid and healthy to acknowledge it. We can list our fears, talk them through, have a bad moment...and then end that conversation with a decision to act with love and courage, instead of fear.  

It's much harder for something to keep a grip on us if we are actively and consistently moving away from it. And what joy comes from this freedom, no?

As we celebrate the fact that great joy was made possible for us through Jesus, would you take some time to consider the value of this gift? Before the new year would you reflect on where Love has brought you or where you'd like to experience Him more? Would you sift through the fears and hope toward a brighter future?

You & I were made for much, much more than shielding our faces, busying, shriveling, freezing, making excuses, what-iffing, and certainly more than allowing our baskets to be pillaged. The happy news of great joy is for all people. One step outside of fear, great joy is available for you and me. 

Peace, grace, and love to you! May your joy this Christmas be deep, and may your purpose  arise and shine in the new year!

***

Reflection Questions:

What is your posture when you hear, "Don't be afraid"?
What is your experience with joy?

What holds you back from experiencing healing? reconciliation? fulfillment? peace? fun?  
What are you afraid of? What are the facts supporting your fears? Assumptions?
Are you willing to let go of your fears?

What do you really want for your life?
What are your talents and gifts? Which are you not using? Why?
What's your purpose (in life, but also specifically in this season of life)?
What truly important thing have you been ignoring, but is calling for your attention?
In what area of life would you like to see transformation? Why is this important to you?
What's your first step in making a change?

What's the cost to you this next year if you make no change?
What's the cost to others this next year if you make no change? 
Where can you find support, accountability, education, or resources to make a change?

Changing our Vocabulary: Truth vs. Lies

Not long ago, a 9-year old friend of mine started responding to correction, discouragement, fatigue, or mistakes with, "I can't do good." Voice cracking, heavy sighing, and shoulders falling-- he believed this statement and gave up. If he were using towels, his room would be covered in them. 

At first I tried to turn his frown upside down with sweet talk and syrupy reinforcement. What do you mean? You're doing great! Don't give up, you're almost done! Rah! Rah! Rah!

When that didn't work I tried to ignore the phrase entirely and keep positive momentum. I explained how we all make mistakes but it's getting back up that matters. Cool, calm, rational. 

But when "I can't do good" moved from quiet heartbreak to pounding fists and stomping feet, I decided to meet it head-on. That phrase is not allowed anymore, I said. Do not let it come out of your mouth again. I didn't know what this was, but I knew it was not going to win. 

Driving home that night I thought about my life. About writing and working, about failures and unmet expectations. I felt antsy and angsty, shaking my head at myself, cowering in the face of others popping in and out of my mind. "You'll never be good enough, you're no expert," I heard them say. "You can't finish anything," "You stay in your box; this is my turf," "Ohhh, I'm sorry it's so hard for you." They glared at me, smug, condescending. I hated them. I hated myself. And then I heard my own heart say it: I can't do good. 

"You see?" His voice, clear and gentle, brought me back to the present. "You say it too, and it sounds terrible."

I did hear and I did see. With my heart sinking down to my toes I thought back to Thomas and, for the first time, started to discern the toxicity of our negative statements. Coming from him--precious, hard-working, autism-challenged him, "I can't do good" made me want to cry and wash his mouth out with soap. Not as punishment, but because those words were like poison, eating away at his mind and stealing away his hope; I wanted it away from him.  

Who told you that? I wanted to scream. Who would tell him such a thing? I puzzled. And then I remembered who. The one with no boundaries when it comes to stealing, killing, and destroying. The enemy, the father of lies. 

My mind revisited the unpleasant faces and voices from earlier, from my own life, and started talking each thing through with God. 

I feel like she hates me; like she loves to see me fail. We can't be friends. 

I feel like I really can't do well at that. I've tried and it doesn't last. 

I feel overwhelmed by this. It's too stressful and too tough.  

I feel like a nobody. I can't do good. 

Coming from me--messy, had-my-chance, not-sure-what's-coming-next me, "I/he/she/we can't do good" made me want to cry and marinate in the tears. 

Then I heard Him ask, "What's the truth behind those feelings?" After a blank moment I shrugged the question back His way, What is the truth behind my feelings? As if I'd asked for the secret behind a magic trick, step by step He flipped on the lights, exposing  what was real and what was not. 

The heart is deceitful above all things, 

and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! 

Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]? 

Jeremiah 17:9 (AMP)

Our hearts, our feelings, unchecked by Truth, are not trustworthy. From some little suggestion I start to believe lies about myself and others. Based on these lies I begin to feel things--inappropriate things created by smoke and mirrors. Out of misplaced feelings I act (or failed to act). 

Thinking back to Thomas, I realized he, too, was believing a lie, feeling the effects, and acting out. I was fighting something when I'd said, "no more," and I knew I needed to start battling for my own heart as well. Why? Because when we allow lies to run laps from our minds to our hearts, out of our mouths, and back to our minds, we stop growing. Period. When we allow lies to dictate our attitudes and actions, we fall right into the "kill, steal & destroy" plan; we render ourselves useless, lifeless, paralyzed by figments of our imagination, we hold tightly to smeared images of others and let relationships fall to ruins. We need to do the hard work, not only of identifying our feelings but, of tracking down the truth and adjusting our responses, emotional and physical. You were freed from a life of slavery. It is worth the battle to claim your freedom. 

In [this] freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; 

stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off]. 

Galatians 5:1 (AMP)

In the past two weeks I've maintained my rule about not uttering the phrase. Thomas and I have worked out a list of things he can say instead, things like, "I'm having a hard time," "I'm going to keep trying," "Oops, I messed up; now I know what to do." I remind him how smart and able and hardworking and brave he is. We have to repeat these things every day, but little by little the darkness is pushed back by truth's light. 

In my own quiet time I've started keeping a close eye on the frolicking of my mind, sometimes saying out loud, "that's not real" or "that's not true" when old feelings resurface (completely normal, right?). And I pray: Lord, would you please quiet my mind and fill it with your truth? Would you please flood my heart with your love for me and for others? May your love cover over a multitude of sins and heal all of my wounds. Would you show me in real life the truth I need to see? On more than one occasion, after praying something like this, I've received an email, call or text relieving my fears, releasing me (and others) from the lies. 

What feelings are consuming you lately? What statements frequent your speech?

What lie set those feelings ablaze and is burning down your life, relationships, health, spiritual walk, dreams, maturity/personal growth? 

What phrase(s) do you need to remove from your vocabulary right now? What truth can you replace it with? 

I don't know if this is the same with you, but in studying my go-to statements I've learned that hurt and disappointment are the most common breeding grounds for lies and misguided feelings. Sometimes I build a case against people based on circumstantial evidence following a direct hit. Self-defense. Everything he says or doesn't say "supports" my case and shapes my heart. It's not good. But sometimes, sometimes, the injury is real--by no means alleged, suspected, or assumed. Sometimes there is no opportunity to look her in the eyes and say, "that really hurt," and so I bury it and mark it with stones that inevitably grow moldy. Sometimes my feelings are based on real events, but it's still our responsibility to work through forgiveness, seek understanding, remember compassion, and let God's love be the perfect salve. 

I know you wouldn't allow your best friend or child to poison himself; decide to stop taking it down and spewing it out, yourself. Maybe you need to call someone and ask, "Is everything okay with us?"; squash those lies that have walled you in. Maybe you need to say "no" to that negative voice that talks you out of pursuing anything good or healthy. Maybe you need to know how wide and deep, how unconditional and unfailing is your Father's love for you. He would love to show you; He waits to arm you with truth. 

Why Unfinished Stories Matter

Once upon a time, my husband and I were invited to a dinner party. A gathering of friends pooling together a spread of dishes and enjoying each other's company. Additionally, we were asked to think of an inspirational story to share after dinner.

If I remember correctly, many of the stories may have warranted Oscar-worthy scores. The beautiful melodies, dramatic crescendos and swells, sweet conclusions of pleasant harmonies and definitive ending notes. We rode the waves together, our souls resting peacefully with each closure.

And then my husband shared about meeting with a friend for coffee that week. This was the story (I am not quoting exactly):

I had coffee with a friend this week and he was telling me how God's been leading him and his wife lately. He's in school and looking for a job to support his wife and baby-on-the-way. They'd been praying about work and both felt really strongly that he shouldn't accept the next offer he received [for reasons unspecified]. Sure enough, he got a call a few days later with a job offer and, even though it was really hard and didn't make a lot of sense, he turned it down. And that's basically the story.

**crickets chirping**

Someone broke the silence, I thought you were going to say that the next day he got a better offer and it all made sense. **low chuckles of agreement and confusion**

Chris:

Nope. There was no call, no new direction, and no reason from God about why he couldn't have accepted that offer. I know there's no real end to the story, but I was really inspired by it--it stuck with me all week--because of their faith, because they're waiting and being obedient even though it doesn't make sense at all.

Friends, I don't think there's a Hollywood soundtrack for this. If this is how a film ended, it would be smeared with truly rotten tomatoes by critics and audiences alike. We seem to tolerate a weak beginning or middle as long as we have closure. Unless, as in Chris's story and last year's film, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (otherwise known as The Hobbit: part 2 of 3) there is no real ending...because you know it's the middle of a 3-part, complete story. It had no ending because it's not the end!

I love that Chris saw this in our friend's story. What else did he see? Himself. Me. Us. He was inspired to keep persevering when it doesn't make sense and when answers don't seem to come and when people around us think we're morons for not taking action into our own hands. He saw the true beauty of obedience and was reminded that this is not the end of the story.

It would do us  all a world of good to stop hiding in the unfinished middle of our stories and start sharing the tension, the grit, and the irrational. Why do we keep such a tight lid on our trials and plans? Why do we wait until we've reached a satisfactory "end" to reveal what's been happening?

Here are some of my reasons. (I warn you, none of them are good.) 

I keep my unfinished business to myself when:

*my emotional response to circumstances is so terribly raw I'm afraid I will push people away. You can't handle the truth! kind of stuff. 

*my situation is the polar opposite of people around me and I believe the only responses I'll get are blank stares, stupid cliches, and unsolicited advice. And I'll be labeled as a social pariah. I choose: none of the above. 

*I'm not 100% convinced God is going to do what (I think) He said and I don't want to look dumb if it doesn't work out. Yikes, but true. 

*circumstances have me completely in the dark and I have no words to describe, share, hope, or praise during that time. 

*I have an end goal in mind and don't want anyone to get in my way with their opinions, reactions, or conflicting plans. I'll let them know when it's done and then, what can they do?

Pride, fear, and self-absorption, plain and simple. Deceptive, destructive.  

No one likes to admit he's struggling or feeling devastated by thwarted plans. Out of our mouths fly a variety of "no sweat" explanations for why it's not that bad, how we expected this and are armed with Plans B-through-W. Or we stay quiet and refuse to let on. 

As neighbors and friends, we divert our eyes from dirty laundry airing next door and tell ourselves it's to protect their dignity. We'll smile and nod approvingly when their yard has been cleared and mowed and re-lanscaped. All's well that ends well!

But in waiting for the end--be it fairytale, predictable, or divinely miraculous--we all miss out on seeing what makes the end so sweet. Let me tell you, you who are in the middle, thinking about giving up, and trying to walk it alone: God is in the middle. You and I know that these trials are not the stuff of textbooks or survival handbooks. This is the stuff of Psalms, of Daniel in the lion's den, of the prophets, and of Paul in chains. In the midst of the fire we choose our identity: Burned or Refined. In the middle mire we learn Who's in control, we see what's real, we learn the hard lessons of trust. 

This part of the story must be told. From those who are going through it, we need to learn the posture of humility and the depth of perseverance. Fragrant laments teach us about faithfulness, their melodies stretch our perspective. We need to learn to recognize the fruit that blooms from obedience. We have an opportunity to speak into the unfinished and say, Don't be afraid! This is not the end! I see God with you! There is no freedom in pride, no faith in fear, no surrender in self-absorption. Open up and share; sit down and listen. 

I pray that we will recognize God in an unfinished story this week and find inspiration from the work that's being done. I hope you will have fresh eyes for your own unfinished story and be emboldened to share it now and stop waiting for the socially-acceptable ending. And I hope that when you reach the end of your story, you will only be able to point to God as having been its author, perfecter and finisher.

2014: His Story Continues

Welcome to a new year, Friends! 

I don't know about you but I'm still in the process of grasping the newness, the potential hope, dreams, and vision for 2014. I can't remember a year where I was ready with resolutions come January 1. It's too much for my brain to dream of a new year while Starbucks still serves seasonal drinks and neighborhoods glow with colored lights. 

Last week though, Chris took down the Christmas tree, we cleaned up the piles of gifts and cards laid about like monuments to the jolly days of the past months, and my planner refill arrived (yes, I still use paper & pen). It was a sad progression of days as I very reluctantly said thank you and goodbye to the season of reflection, anticipation, and cheer. And lots of food. I miss you already, Pumpkin Spice Americano.

I could have stayed wrapped up in those warm festivities for a long, long time. 

2013 was quiet and unhurried, abundant and freeing. It was also lonely and frustrating, and painfully faith-stretching. Like any season, I grew accustomed to its rhythms and I admit: Uncertainty often stains a beautiful blank slate for me. Do I really have to start over? What's expected of me now? When/how will I find out? On a scale of 1-10, how much will it hurt? Is this a pruning year? fruitful year? waiting year? 

But (literally, right now) God has showed me this: 2014 is not a blank slate, per se. Yes, my calendar is mostly empty and I can only guess at the twists and turns that might ultimately shape the year (and me). With the "new year" smell fresh in my nostrils it might be a natural time to trade habits--old for better. However, He doesn't drop me off at The Edge of Nowhere each January 1st and say, "Good luck. Re-invent, re-create, don't disappoint me." 

No, He keeps my hand firmly gripped in His and asks, Are you ready for more of what I have for you? His eyes sparkle, He is radiant with glory and power--pure--and He grins, hinting at the wildest, most fantastic surprises in store...for me. 

The truth is, He gave me a blank slate when I accepted His gift of grace on the cross. Done once to last forever and cover over all seasons. From there, He continues to build and grow, heal, prune, and shape. His compassion is new every day, meaning it's never too late to trade in your junk for his treasure. His work is never rushed or limited by our rat race or calendar years.  

A few years ago I was one who resolved not to resolve for the new year. I thought: what's the point of torturing myself with resolutions I'm probably not going to keep? Before I could fail (again) I'd just take myself out of the game. Problem solved. 

This year I want to resolve to lean on the strength of the great Hand that holds mine. I want  to look Him in the eye and answer and ask, yes, Lord. What would you have me do this year?  And then I want to enjoy waiting for the answers and delight in His perfect leadership. 

It's 2014 and He will continue the work He's (always) doing in and through and for you. Maybe there are some habits you've known should be relinquished or begun and you're already 15 days in. Great! Maybe you're staring into the unknown, thinking you're going to skip the resolutions this year. Maybe you think you're doing just fine and if God wants to get your attention He will. In any case, would you be willing to lay your plans, fears and opinions before God? Open them up to His will for you? Do you believe He has the power and the love to make this year incredible?

This is the best way I know how to get started: prayer. It can be tough to break our speech patterns with God, our mode of resolving and planning, but here are some new ways we might approach Him. Instead of praying, God, bless my plans to_______, or thinking, If it's God's will it will happen (and if it's not it won't), try these:

Lord, what do you want to show me about {situation}?
Lord, what do you have to say about {situation}?
Lord, what are your dreams for me {personally, relationally, professionally}?
Lord, what things am I putting above you {idols, obstacles, addictions, pride, fear, people} that can be removed this year?
Lord, would you break the chains that hold me captive to {habit, mindset, addiction, health problems}?
Lord, how would you have me spend my time/days this year? Would you show me things that really matter vs. things that distract?
Lord, how can I love my spouse better? {or family, friends, neighbors, church, enemies}
Lord, how would you have me use (spend/save) money more effectively this year?
Lord, how do you see me? What did you create me to do? Would you show me who I am in you and how you'd have me live as a child of yours?
Lord, I have so many plans and dreams but I want your will above all; would you guide my steps?

God can be trusted with your new year because He never forsakes those who inquire of Him and want what He wants. We can only fail if we surrender to fear or cozy up to complacency. We can only be uncertain about our future if we try to conquer it alone and shape it by our own appetite and strength. I'm still waiting on answers to my questions, but each day hope rises out of the knowledge that He will continue His work in me and lead me steadily on this journey of purpose and promise. 

May you be filled with joy and awe as you seek God this year, and may you walk in the freedom of his once-for-all grace that has made you worthy to receive all He has for you. 

May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; 

And let those who love Your salvation say continually,

"Let God be magnified."

Psalm 70:4

Taking Back Confidence

I am only one, but still I am one. 

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; 

and because I cannot do everything, 

I will not refuse to do something that I can do. 

-Helen Keller*

We have to stop meeting like this. Me and the computer, in the middle of the night. 

And yet here I am in its glow, prompted out of bed, my heart flooded with words. The sheets unable to contain me, the pillows lie unresponsive to my fists, failing to soothe or quiet my mind. 

I know what this means, where it leads, and even though it's late and I wonder if I didn't bring this on myself with caffeine, I'm thankful He's brought me back. 

Summer has officially come and gone and though this site has no record of it, much has transpired. In my mind I've written to you all along. 

The truth is I've spent a lot of time fighting battles and recovering from battles. I've been restless at times, desperately wanting a green light or open door to invite me into something new. I pray to see that thin line between personal responsibility and self-sufficiency so I might stop stepping outside of grace. I've been tired of looking at myself in the mirror, believing lies about who I am and tucking myself, my story, away into hiding. 

One of my biggest battles {dare I say this?} is with the blogging world. Did you know there are approximately one million essentials for blogging "success"? Okay, not that many, but the list seems to multiply as fast as dry yeast proofs, making writers and sites puffier alike. Are the days of finding entertainment, enrichment and inspiration through words alone truly gone? Are all writers now slaves to their social media platforms and mastery of photography & graphic design? Would my readers really multiply if  I offered giveaways or link-ups? "No," One might say, "your readers would multiply if you had a stronger network and were actually a 'somebody.'" ...

And thus, choosing defeat over faith, I've been hiding away, reverting back to old patterns of fearful, self-protecting, power-playing silence that are, frankly, suffocating. Why pour out my silly thoughts when the Real Writers, if they were to ever read my blog, would laugh and scoff? If I won't ever be called Success, why do it? (right?)

But God's been speaking to me about names, about how I don't need the world to call me Success because He calls me His. I am His Artwork, I am His Vessel. I am His Child, I am His Redeemed. Because of Him I am Enough, Gifted, Powerful, Lovable & Loving, I am Warrior and Steadfast. 

Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. 

Hebrews 10:35 AMP

Battle ensues when someone or something sets itself up against God and His purposes. Sometimes that someone is the enemy, coaxing me to give up my knowledge of Him who calls and empowers. Sometimes that someone is me, my weary  flesh longing after earthly accolades and progress. Whoever you're battling, know that there is freedom and victory in Christ. We don't need to be burdened or angry, we don't need to shrink back or throw in the towel. We only need His truth to light the way and free our feet to walk toward His call. Whether He intends for us to stand upon a widely visible platform or within a small radius of pointed power, it is He who assigns significance, and His name that achieves any good and lasting thing. 

I write because I can't help but tell of the work God has done and is doing in me so that you might see Him dancing over you in a similar way. I write to let you know that you don't have to live in captivity to the deceitful, looping tapes in your head. I write because God compels me to do so; I am "louder" than my nature prefers because I'd rather be called Faithful by the Lord than Trending by the world. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you remember my name, my blog address, my pictures or graphics. What matters is that, at the perfect moment, you say to yourself, "I remember reading a story about how God..." revealed Himself, intervened, saved, freed, healed, provided, blessed, did the impossible. What matters is that through my words you are increasingly convinced of His goodness, that your heart learns to praise Him and trust in His power and love. Through my story may you hear God speak to you, call your name, and embolden you to hold onto your fearless confidence in Him one day at a time. 

I'm excited to open my summer notes and share the happenings. You might not see many pictures, and I might post on the "wrong" day for maximum traffic, but I pray your hungry heart finds what it needs. 

*Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/25-awesome-perseverance-quotes/#ixzz2fnC8Rv6Q

While You Wait: Strengthen Your Core

Waiting can be utterly exhausting. Prolonged suspense, failed attempts, seemingly missed opportunities, an endless string of red lights drain you. 

Have you ever lowered yourself to the ground in push-up position? {not as often as you try to avoid it, right? I'm with you.} Have you propped yourself up in push-up position and just h.e.l.d...i.t...t.h.e.r.e...?

It's harder than it looks. 

Waiting is not passive--it is no place for twiddling thumbs, wishing on dandelions, or complacent recline. Waiting is a posture of suspension and focus. With eyes fixed straight ahead and heads lifted, we breathe deeply, we engage our core. And we hold. 

According to Mayo Clinic, strengthening the muscles surrounding the pelvis and trunk ("the core")  improves balance and stability for exercise and daily activity. About.com credits a strong core with stabilizing the spine and creating "a solid base of support" enabling "powerful movements of the extremities." When your arms start to shake and collapse seems imminent you have to rely on the strength of your core. When you feel your toes slipping beneath you your mind needs to know that your base is solid. 

It's in this state of suspension that we gain strength. It's in this holding pattern that we learn perseverance. It's in this posture--low to the ground--that we understand humility and begin to see wisdom. 

I very much enjoy running. Not so much the first mile, or the third, or the tenth, but all the steps in between allow me to exercise the wisdom I've gained from emotional & spiritual long-suffering and invite my body to endure likewise. The same is true in reverse: often times lessons gleaned from running--hurdles jumped and walls broken through--come to mind when I find myself faced with a new trial. In my experience, resilience and stamina are the by-products of a sturdy midsection, a secure identity at the center of my being. 

Trials and marathons test the strength of your core. They expose your weaknesses and push you to draw from a well deep within. You may be able to run some hills with the strength of your calves, you might be successful for a time by chanting, I think I can, I think I can. But when you realize you are in a state of suspension and control escapes you, you will need to lean on the inner strength that only comes from God. 

  

Most likely you've got some time on your hands, don't wait to strengthen your base. Instead, while you wait, here are some exercises for stabilizing your spiritual spine (aka: backbone, courage of convictions column) and building a solid support base for enduring emotional and spiritual trials. 

1. Center yourself in Christ. Seek The Giver, not the gift. Enter into relationship with Him, humbly acknowledging that apart from Him you can do nothing, but by His strength you can do all things. Get to know His purpose for your life, His dreams for you. Let Him plant you to flourish in His courts. Stand firm, grounded by His unfailing love for you. 

2. Love Others. When you're struggling and tired, when you feel thoroughly mauled and discouraged it's easy to become self-centered if you're not actively seeking a neighbor to love to the degree that you love yourself. You cry out with "unprecedented" depths of despair, wallowing in comparison and feelings of helplessness. Your core gets mushy and giggly from sweet & salty bites of comfort. But this will not do. Nope, it's time to wipe the crumbs off your shirt and engage in meaningful relationship with others. So you don't have it all figured out--neither do they--but despite what's happening in your life  His grace is sufficient for you. After all, it is more blessed to give than to receive. 

3. Renew your mind with His Word; be transformed by His truth. When you're holding a deep squat or pushing through that 3-mile wall it's the Truth that will keep you upright. When negative thoughts flood your mind: I can't do this, I've never been good at this, I'm too tired, I want to quit, What's the point anyway? you must stomp out every lie with the truth. You must know who you are in Christ and believe that He is strengthening your frame and widening your path. You must replace the old potty-talk with His words and allow them to transform and refine. When you plop down into push-up position and declare, "I'm telling you, my arms are not that strong!" and your trainer looks you square in the eyes and says, "Your arms are not that weak," it changes you. You won't make it through hardship with positive self-talk based on self-reliance; you will, however, find sustenance in every word of God. 

4. Examine your life and allow God to make good use of this time. Waiting is not about punishment or condemnation. It is not a sign of God-forsakenness or a game of favorites. Countless stories in the Bible indicate that prolonged waiting and severe trials are often precious times of preparation, redemption, provision, and refinement; very personal attention from God. Examination and exercise are not means of earning that thing you're waiting for; both demonstrate humility and reverence for The One who has called you into this desert for a very specific reason. Engage in His plan and use your time wisely. Ask Him to examine your heart and reveal any bad seeds He'd like to uproot and replace with fruit seeds. Lift up every area of your life and seek His will--daily priorities, relationships, the food you eat, physical ailments, future dreams. Keep your eyes focused on your own path and let Him guide your steps. 

When your feet start throbbing and your shoulder muscles burn, remember that your core is strong. When the going gets tough, remember who you are. When you don't know how much longer you have to hold the posture and sweat threatens to steal your grip, take a deep breath and tell yourself it's not over yet. In trial, steady your mind on the truth. Consider the firm foundation of Christ at your center, enjoy the blessings of loving others, recall the power of your mind renewed by His Word, rest in the purity of a life examined and shaped by God. 

While you wait, strengthen your core. Don't waste your time raging against what might have been, resisting the special call to be trained by God. Engage your core. And hold. 

Little Bird

Yesterday I ran beneath your trees, my breath was heavy and my mind busy sifting through memories. A soft wind bent their branches and I found myself showered by delicate purple blooms. Underfoot they cushioned my path, overhead they danced, and He whispered your name in my ear. 

Little Bird, you are a child of promise--the rainbow after a flood. You are a reminder that God is good, that He has compassion on all He has made. {Do you know that?}

Every year your trees bloom; without delay they awake full and strong, blessing the air and the ground with sweet lilac petals, pearls of joyful grace. At the peak of their splendor you were born, child of promise. He called you out, Little Bird, and gifted you with song. You might not remember but His song has always been in your heart--that glorious light melody of joy and redemption. It's been in you since the beginning. All creation pauses to hear you sing because in it, we hear the voice of God. 

I know you're all too aware that one day we each must learn to fly. We each must face the shifting seasons and undercurrents, yield to larger animals & care for smaller ones, learn what shelter is safe, and who will hear our cry. Everyone searches for their voice. But do you know, Little Bird, that your voice was never lost? Do you know that the One who gave you life holds you in His hand and has not been deaf to one note you've sung? Don't be discouraged by those who have heard and ignored, or heard and taken advantage. Your Lord suffered the same loss, frustration and pain, and He has always heard you. 

He sees you and He knows you, pure Little Bird. He has not meant for you to feel hungry or afraid. He has not meant for you to believe you are on your own, that you must make your own way or find security in anything other than Him. He has not meant for you to be overwhelmed; He has only meant for you to know He is God.  

He knows your heart and mind--merry Little Bird--He created you to delightedly flutter about from one branch to the next, chirp! peep!, open to harmonizing with all the other little birds and love life fully. Passionate is your heart, you fly with steady cadence toward justice and hope. You sing His song in the core of your being, do you know that? 

I have always heard Him in you.  

Precious Little Bird, do not put your trust in branches or nests, in gopher holes or mountain tops. Do not rely on the strength of your wings and don't believe that your wings have been clipped. Don't waste your time, young Little Bird, searching for who you are in dog houses, lions' dens, or chicken coops. Don't overturn the nest of your youth hoping your feathers might change color. No home is perfect--they are all crowded with feathers and poop, all chaotic with cries for food and warmth. Imperfect because we all forget who we are and what truly satisfies. No, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path {home}. Trust Him and those who sing of Him; any other song will not sit well with your soul. 

Your trees reminded me how extravagantly and passionately He loves you. They reminded me how blessed we are to have you among us, singing your life-giving song of truth and redemption. They reminded me of His faithfulness--how He promised me He would never let you go. 

In case you don't know: you are fearfully and wonderfully made, marked with glorious purpose and gifting, a light. 

In case you've forgotten: you are gracious and loving, gentle and honest, 
you are sensitive and peaceable yet you hold your own in defense of the truth, 
you laugh with ease, a soft hum is always on your lips,
you know that to everything there is a season,
you are patient and attentive, you give your time wholly and generously,
you know what is good, you do not settle for good enough, 
you love sincerely, with mercy that covers over a multitude of sins,
you are gifted with the voice of God, your Father has put His song of power in you.  

You are His, Little Bird, and your future is bright. Though it may be hard to see or sense Him with you, listen for His song rising up in you and know He is God. 

Live in the light and all your years will be golden. 

With all my love...