Thriving in the heat

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through rain drops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life

are Your mercies in disguise?

(from "Blessings" by Laura Story)

In case you've been wondering, we made it out of the half-marathon alive. ;) There were times for all of us as runners when we thought for sure our race was over but God was good to carry us through, triumphantly! The hours that followed included constant feasting, hard sleeping and wondering at our collective accomplishment. Unfortunately our knees are still angry with us for each one of those miles, meaning our shoes have seen more of the closet than the road lately. Anyway, it was a magnificent undertaking and we're so thankful for all of the amazing support we received. If you know anyone who is touched by Parkinson's disease, the Michael J. Fox Foundation is a truly wonderful team of people, working hard for a worthy cause. 

Since crossing the finish line of the wine country race, we've felt like life in general has been another kind of endurance run. Specifically we've hit a season of life's extremes: beginnings and endings, strife and peace. While we enjoy some excitement, probably especially during the playful summer months, we're not people who love extremes. We'd trade in some of the deep losses for a little less gain. 75 degrees is better than 40 and 100. We like the comfortable balance of middle ground. But regardless of our plans, preferences and comfort zones, we acknowledge that God's purposes prevail in every season- hot, cold or pleasant.

This year I waited to plant my garden until the end of June Gloom. In years past, I've started seeds in March or April- a fine time to provide the little guys with a nice mixture of moisture and heat. They would be beautifully robust in May but gloomy June would flatten the vibrance of their taste and color. Then when hot-July came around, the weakened plants would burn to a crisp. Sad. So this year I decided to wait until the gloom had passed, in hopes of exposing them to the most intense flavor-producing heat. The result has been richly-colored, voluminous plants that hold the promise of delicious and abundant fruit/leaves/flowers. I've noted that the higher temperatures have not shortened germination time--everything sprouts at its proper age--but the resulting life is stronger and more robust than the life that came in the gloomy, mild temperatures. 

In May and June three of our friends had babies... and three of our loved ones passed away. Chris's work has been overwhelming and while we continue to be thankful for the meeting of our needs, we also wonder if the load will rebalance or if we should reshape our life around it. One of the deaths close to us was the woman I cooked dinners for. I'm still helping her widower for now but what's next for me? The heat is definitely on. Fortunately, while God seems to be refining and strengthening us for all that lies around the corner, he's also given us great opportunity to relax and get a tan (why not?). 

During my last visit to the acupuncturist (my latest health experiment) the doctor touched my stomach and quickly pulled his hand back. Frustrated, he asked, rhetorically, "why is it still so cold?" "Huh?" He explained, "My hand is warm. When I touch your stomach I feel cold. It's too cold." My knowledge of Traditional Chinese Medicine is still in progress but I do know that "excessive cold" basically means lack of life. Poor digestion, lack of nutrient absorption, zero fertility. Dead cold, is what I hear. Yeah, yeah...tell me something I don't know. Independent of this event, Chris sent me a set of  Bible verses he said he'd come across and wanted to share: 

Without becoming weak in faith he [Abraham] contemplated his own body,

now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb;

yet with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God,

and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.

Romans 4:19-21

I think the acupuncturist is frustrated because he feels he cannot fix the problem. I often have the same reaction when, despite my best efforts, I fall easily into sickness or fail to get pregnant or lack energy. I've seen a lot of hurting people lately, display similar frustration over the way things turn out despite their best efforts and most fervent prayers. It is frustrating when we don't understand. We ask for answers and then fail to perceive them because we don't believe they're true. It is hard to face certain truths and easier to stay in denial and keep toiling away. But it seems that there's a lot of potential healing and peace when we face the fact-of-the-matter and believe that we're being (trans-)planted when and where we need to be. When I go out onto our patio and consider the rich, fruitful life therein I can't help but feel that the Lord is fulfilling his promise to bless the work of my hands. Chris sometimes quotes the promise, "Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house..." (Psalm 128:3) to which I recently responded, "Well, you'll definitely have plenty of tomatoes." "When the Lord closes the door, somewhere he opens a window." Right? 

When I acknowledge the fact that my body is "cold," there is an opportunity for me to consider a bigger plan for the planting of our family. When we look at Chris's workload and acknowledge that God has not shown us another way yet, we can consider how we might adjust and what all of this experience might add up to for his future work. I believe for us, and for our friends and family experiencing extremes, that God does not take away or withhold or prolong without reason. Our tears, frustration and confusion is so real. But so is His compassion, provision and faithfulness and lovingkindness.  

Here's the complete song (with video) that started this post. Enjoy! 

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21