"I really need new jeans," I told a co-worker.
"I do, too," she replied.
"I just can't bite the bullet. But my jeans are in bad shape," I said.
"I know! Because as soon as you pay good money for new jeans you'll get pregnant," she said.
Agreeing, I finished the thought, "Yep, and then they won't fit, I'll have to buy maternity jeans and who knows if I'll ever fit into the new pair again. So frustrating!"
We were both trying to get pregnant and somehow this line of reasoning made perfect sense to us.
In the years that followed I purchased a few very inexpensive pairs of jeans to cautiously fill the gap. It wasn't until six months ago that I finally made a more significant investment.
***
This is not a promotion for expensive jeans. I'm a sucker for a great deal and couldn't care less about name brands. This is about life--living in the present, being fully present, and learning to laugh at silly superstitions.
We can turn almost anything into an "If, Then" statement, come to believe it because of scientific wording, and then stand on it as some of life's great truths.
"If I buy new jeans, then I'll get pregnant."
I hope you're laughing but if not, let me dissect the scientific jeans statement a little further. Time proved to me that the purchase of jeans (at any price point) does not in fact cause pregnancy, so you don't have to worry about my reasoning there. What I came to see as a true concern was the powerful "therefore" I added to the end of such statements:
"If I buy new jeans, then I'll get pregnant, therefore I will keep my ill-fitting pair and wait until I can buy the maternity jeans."
In this case, "therefore" = life zapper.
***
Last fall I came upon a greeting card by Life Inspired that brought me to teary freedom from the silly pregnancy superstitions we accept as truth and allow as Dictator of our behavior and overall wellbeing. On the front of the card was a simple quotation from an unknown source:
Between the wish and the thing life lies waiting.
Inside:
Live your dreams.
***
"If I buy new jeans" is not the only ridiculous thing I've believed regarding my fertility over the years. Here's a list of my personal favorites that I'm sure many of you will recognize:
*If you take that new job, then you'll get pregnant.
*Now that you're not working full time, you'll get pregnant.
*If you go on that vacation, then you'll get pregnant.
*If you start writing about infertility, then you'll get pregnant.
*If you stop working out so much, then you'll get pregnant.
And a few closely-related claims that are more scientifically based and always well-intended, however equally unhelpful to those of us who have learned the heart-wreching way that pregnancy is not mere science (a truth for another post entirely!):
*If you just relax, then you'll get pregnant.
*If you chart your ovulation, then you'll get pregnant.
*If you stop charting your ovulation, then you'll get pregnant.
*Everyone who has sat in this chair has gotten pregnant, so if you sit it in, you'll be next.
*If you go hang out with pregnant women and new moms, their hormones will latch onto you and you'll get pregnant.
*If you stand on your head after intercourse, then you'll get pregnant.
*If you stop drinking coffee [or eating or drinking any particular thing], then you'll get pregnant.
There are adjustments each of us struggling with infertility will make regarding diet, lifestyle, and wellness. I have made quite a few. But these days, before making any adjustments, before I "do" or "don't," I ask myself these questions:
(1) Is this adjustment based on truth?
(2) Is this adjustment based on fear (aka: superstition)?
(3) Is this what God wants for my journey?
(4) Does this adjustment allow life (present life) to abound or does it squelch life?
If I had stopped drinking coffee 5-1/2 years ago "just in case" I might be pregnant on any given day, I would be so unhappy today. Fearful, resentful, suffocated. Not because coffee determines my happiness (per se) but because fear always suppresses life.
I should have bought new jeans--good ones--four years ago and rocked them until they could rock no more. Not because jeans would fill my desire for a baby but because life is happening NOW and I don't need to postpone living.
There will be a day for maternity wear and the pregnancy diet but until that day I need to give glory to God by being fully alive here and now. And so do you.
Between the wish and the thing life lies waiting.
Get out there and live it.
xoxo
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).
John 10:10 AMP
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