Candy & Iron

Susan Flewelling Photography, 11-19-05

Many are asking us, "Who can show us any good?" 

Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.

You have filled [our] heart[s] with greater joy

than when their grain and new wine abound.

Psalm 4:6-7

What a beautiful day we shared in 2005-- hearts full and dreams big! Happy Anniversary to us! Of all of our years, wherein we learned to live together, weather storms, and abide in God's word, this year was, by far, the best. In a jam-packed 12 months of hard lessons and sweet rewards, we became a family. 

It might be an odd thing to say, our family consisting of just the two of us and Emerson, but after reflecting on year #6, we observed that our journey through sun-scorched, desolate wasteland has neither destroyed us nor crushed our spirit, but in fact has made us stronger and  sweeter. In spite of convention and in the midst of ongoing trials, we have begun behaving as a family, united and fruitful, taking on the attributes of man and wife that God had intended us to adopt six years ago. Slow as we may be, here are the evidences of God's ability to grow two driven firstborns into one pliable vessel for his own use.  


* He laid a new foundation

 "Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God." Psalm 92:13

After losing my grandma to cancer just weeks before our fifth anniversary, I felt as though my safe house, my place of belonging and love and peace, had been demolished. While I grieved the loss of refuge, the Lord gave Chris a new spirit of leadership. With his brave suggestion, "what if our home could be that place for you?" and my surrender to being replanted, the Lord laid a new foundation for us, deep, sturdy, and safe. He has planted us in his house and we've sent out our roots to abide in his courts. How beautiful it is to learn from The Best. 


* He showed us his love

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together...to grasp how wide and and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

Proverbs 13 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Yep, it sure does. It's been our dance over the past year: belief, belief, doubt. We question the goodness of God, along with the integrity of his love, spiraling wildly into fear and ingratitude. At times we've mustered a small bit of flesh muscle and thought we might beat the storm with toil and performance. "I think I can, I think I can." We lose our ability to love each other when we fail to perceive God's love for us. So what did He do? He gave us one heart: thirsty, aching, and weary. He let us share with him and with each other in deep suffering so that we might understand, be healed and learn his ministry. Perfect love endures all things, drives out fear, lays down its life, covers over a multitude of sins, speaks the truth, and never fails. We are full. Despite the raging storms or long seasons of waiting in hope, we are full. His love is at the root of our family, it is our new lens, and it is wide.


* He strengthens us for the long haul

"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 
not lacking anything." James 1:4

You've read all about our running. Running has become not only our team sport, but our training ground for waiting. Wait Training. When we first entered the reality of infertility, God told us, "Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!" (Psalm 27:14). I balled my eyes out, hearing, "it 'aint gonna be easy, Sweetheart." A year later, wearily staggering through arid wasteland, overloaded with life's demands, God told us, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified...for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut. 31:6). But he also invited us to rest. As a family, this has meant looking out for one another, not letting one fall behind, forsaking all else to tend to our own needs. We run and we rest and we wait. James 5:7 describes a farmer, waiting patiently "for the land to yield its valuable crop; how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." Even with big dreams and production on the line, I picture the farmer resting, waiting patiently for all things in their right time. It's not over 'til it's over, but He strengthens our feeble arms and weak knees (Hebrews 12:11-12) and together  we. keep. going.  


*He asks us to believe

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:2

Chris has the spiritual gift of faith. In our waiting and our hoping, there is no more valuable gift than to be paired with someone who believes without wavering. But with every Abraham there is a Sarah, gifted in Doubt. Okay not completely, but the Lord has showed us how tremendous it is to have a man of faith at the head of the house, believing and battling. And in being shaped as a family unit, He has taught me the various postures of victory that define a suitable warrior wife: knees bent in prayer, arms lifted in praise, eyes fixed on Jesus, ears tuned to wisdom, feet planted in faith, breath easy in confidence. God doesn't need us to fight for him, but when we stand together in faith, we demonstrate fear, worship, and trust. "Do we own a home?" "Do we have kids?" "Are we out of the desert?" Not yet. And yet, we are glad for today and we rejoice in the hope of His promises. 

*He fills us with Joy

"You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

After years of breakdown (health, employment, deferred dreams), joy remained elusive, an unavailable section of unripe fruit. It's difficult to experience joy when things are falling apart. We struggle when we cannot grab, manipulate, achieve, or see the end. But what God showed us is this: He is good, his ways bring life. In seeking the giver instead of the gift, we enter into his presence and we are filled. Regardless of our family size, work load or duration of our run, we know that "those who seek the Lord lack no good thing" (Psalm 34:10). 


Traditionally, gifts of candy and iron symbolize both the sweetness and strength exuding from the sixth year of union. What a gift to be a family wrought by God's power and sweetened by His grace! Thank you for walking alongside us each year; we hope you see God's hand and that you might be encouraged on your own journey. Marriage is a gift and God's purposes are good. 


They say that seven is the number of perfection...here's to all His handiwork to come. Cheers!